Ask the Advice Goddess

"Every little rudeness"? The lady didn't eat her steak with a salad fork; she turned your date into Live Action News. But, why not celebrate the positive? At least she stopped short of putting you on "date-cam" so the folks at home could vote on your haircut and make snide remarks about your shoes.

Some guys do feel compelled to excuse anything their date does - assuming, of course, she's discreet about slipping out to have sex with the busboy between courses. This is called desperation. Other guys - you, for one - cling to rigid ideas about how people should behave. These are called manners. Being a stickler for them does have its consequences; for example, as your buddies noted, if you write off rude girls, you won't have rude girls in your life. (And this is a bad thing?)

Yeah, I know, in the age of instant messaging, waiting to get home to do the postmortem on a date is, like, so 1988. And no, the specifics of cell-phone etiquette weren't part of most people's formative years - but shouldn't "do unto others" get the job done? "Hmmm, maybe it isn't exactly a nice, warm shower massage for a man's ego if I answer my phone, then appear to be gossiping about what a dud he is while he's standing 2 feet away."

Aren't people supposed to put on their party manners on first dates? If in-your-face rudeness reflects this girl's best behavior, what's her worst? Boiling kittens? Faking her own death and framing you? If she wasn't interested, couldn't she have incorporated a little kindness into her exit strategy? Feigned even the tiniest bit of concern for your feelings? (Apparently, her cell-phone provider has yet to offer narcissism-blocking.)

If you're looking to date in volume, listen to your friends. There are plenty of girls seeking a man to provide dinner financing while they're waiting for Something Better to come along. Unfortunately, the arrival of Something Better for them is unlikely to coincide with the arrival of Somebody With Common Decency for you. Sure, if you refuse to relax your standards, you'll probably spend some Saturday nights stretched out on your couch - but at least you'll have your dignity to keep you company.

Make no mistake: that was a bullet you dodged on your date - even if it did sound more like a tiny, digitized Christina Aguilera trapped in somebody's purse than those that whistle past in the movies. While you'd be a fool to call this girl again, you might send her your silent thanks for being such a jerk from the start. There is something worse than a first date with somebody like her; for instance, a third date - or a third anniversary. Let's see … do you wait or run for the car when your wife answers the phone during sex in case somebody's calling with a better offer?

HOT BUNSEN BURNING REBOUND
I met a woman, and sparks flew every-where. Major chemistry! After we went out a few times, she told me she was giving her ex another shot. (This is the bum she kicked to the curb three times.) What do I do now, Advice Goddess?

Chemistry nut that you are, you must have slept through lesson one: "Avoid mixing volatile compounds. Somebody might get hurt." A lady who allowed her ex three strikes is a lady who can't help but repeat past mistakes. You are a recent mistake. And I say that not to hurt your feelings, but as an observation that you've delayed her from getting back to her psychodrama with Joe Bum. There are six billion people on the planet, many of them ladies, many of them single. At least a few hundred thousand have to be chemically predisposed to want you. Surely, of those, you might find at least one or two who aren't too busy hopping back on the hamster wheel with the ex to try to blow the roof off the science lab with you.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).