Cold Case

There are few things in life more satisfying than throwing down an ice-cold brew on a sweltering summer afternoon or evening. And there are few things in life more disappointing than heading into a bar on a sweltering summer afternoon or evening, ordering an ice-cold brew and receiving something with the appearance and temperature of a bottled urine sample.

There are literally hundreds of watering holes in the Tampa Bay area, and it's tough to know which ones serve the coldest beer without biting the bullet and bellying up. But in the interest of saving your palate, we hit the town to come up with the numbers below, ranked from coldest to warmest. Now, there's no way to offer a comprehensive list of temps for every beer in every bar in the Bay area -- we're certainly working on it, but it'll be years. So we've tried to include a bit of everything, from beach bars to dives to mom 'n' pop corner stores to Scott Harrell's fridge to bait shops. So you might not know which bar unarguably has the coldest beer in town, but at least you'll have a heads up when you're in a certain neighborhood, or see a certain sign that starts your poor, dry mouth prepping for an icy adult beverage.

Locations that actually feature signs advertising the coldest beer in town are denoted by an asterisk.

1. TERI'S TAVERN

13437 Gulf Blvd., Madeira Beach

727-319-8862

Vibe: Friendly dive across from the beach

Food: Sort of (hot dogs, pretzels)

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 30.4

People-Watching Rating: C

2. DAVE'S BAR & GRILL

10820 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg

727-576-1091

Vibe: Eclectic neighborhood bar/venue

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 34.2

People-Watching Rating: A

3. ANGLER'S DISCOUNT*

3904 U.S. 41 N., Palmetto

941-729-1422

Vibe: Cheery old roadside beer/ice/bait/convenience store

Food: Yes (it's a freakin' convenience store)

Beer Ordered: Bud quart

Beer Temperature: 36.7

People-Watching Rating: D

4. BANANA BOAT

13090 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg

727-570-2996

Vibe: Little sunlit fish-on-the-walls bar/restaurant

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 38.0

People-Watching Rating: C

5. UPTOWN BAR

658 Central Ave., St. Petersburg

727-463-0567

Vibe: Smallish, smoky tavern/local-music venue

Food: No

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 38.5

People-Watching Rating: B

6. CHATTAWAY

358 22nd Ave. S., St. Petersburg

727-823-1594

Vibe: Killer, casual old-school outdoor restaurant/bar

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 38.8

People-Watching Rating: B

7. CENTRAL BILLIARDS

670 Central Ave., St. Petersburg

727-553-9212

Vibe: New, intimate pool hall with juke and bar in back

Food: No

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 40.0

People-Watching Rating: D

8. SCOTT'S REFRIGERATOR

The Seaside Shack, St. Petersburg

Vibe: Big, cold white box in the kitchen

Food: Yes (spoiled)

Beer Ordered: Coors Light can

Beer Temperature: 41.0

Dog-Watching Rating: A

9. MACDINTON'S IRISH PUB

405 S. Howard Ave., Tampa

813-251-8999

Vibe: Irish pub inside; spacious wood deck outdoors that is one of Friday night's hottest meet-and-bed spots

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Pilsner Urquell draft

Beer Temperature: 41.5 (the bartender explains that all his draft beers are kept a bit above their desired temp because they also carry Guinness on draft, which must be poured warmer)

People-Watching Rating: B+

10. FOURTH STREET FOOD MART*

1730 Fourth St. S., St. Petersburg

727-551-0426

Vibe: Neighborhood corner bodega

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Bud quart

Beer Temperature: 42.3

People-Watching Rating: B

11. THE DOG SALOON

3301 W. Bay to Bay Blvd., Tampa

813-317-3370

Vibe: Scrubby frat house deck party, with plenty of pool tables

Food: Kitchen is being remodeled

Beer Ordered: Bass draft

Beer Temperature: 43.7

People-Watching Rating: C (except on Lingerie Thursdays, when the wait staff wears nighties and it earns an A)

12. THE RACK

1809 W. Platt St., Tampa

813-250-1595

Vibe: Upscale pool hall for the young, beautiful crowd

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Newcastle draft

Beer Temperature: 44.4

People-Watching Rating: B

13. KAHUNA'S MEXICO GRILL

10515 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg

727-576-7800

Vibe: Big, almost-waterside beach-themed indoor/outdoor bar/restaurant

Food: Yes

Beer Ordered: Bud longneck

Beer Temperature: 45.8

People-Watching Rating: D

14. SWIGWAM BEACH BAR

6300 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach

727-360-0889

Vibe: Touristy thatched-roof outdoor hotel bar between the pool and the beach

Food: No

Beer Ordered: Bud can

Beer Temperature: 46.0

People-Watching Rating: A+